What am I doing in LIFE?

Do you ever just wonder what you’re doing? In general? In life?

I have constantly thought about what I'm doing.

Am I doing it right?

Am I moving forward?

Am I making a difference?

Do I have a place in this world?

Sometimes in those moments, you just need confirmation that you are not wasting away. That you are making a difference, that you can help people, and that you are worth it.

Am I right?

This can be a fight within a fight.

Usually these thoughts start and stem from somewhere…….

Okay, let me go back.

Many years ago, I decided to start a business cleaning houses, and whatever I could get my hands on really, (churches, banks, houses), there were no limits. I had a young daughter, and I wanted to be a more active part of her life, so I worked for myself, where I was able to make or break my schedule if need be. I started close to home. I started working and cleaning for people I knew, people from church, friends, etc. I wound up doing well, I didn’t need to supplement with other jobs, which was such a blessing at that time. It was so nice to be able to make my own schedule, especially for my daughter. It was even better that I could bring her to work with me if I needed to.

Let me explain. I never had any specific direction in my life until my daughter was born, I was already 27 years old. I had a young daughter, and I wanted to do everything I could to stick around for a long time, so that I would be able to watch my daughter grow, so I could run and play with her, maybe be a coach one day. Whatever I could think of, it was for her. So, I became very involved in nutrition, learning everything I could about it. My nutrition, her nutrition, her father’s, my parent’s, and even my friends, because it was important to me that all of these close people in our lives got to watch my daughter grow up and could be an active part of her life. This may have been a selfish motive, but it was a burning ache in my stomach.

Prior to this, I had no idea about nutrition, and I didn’t realize how important it was hand in hand with everything else. Learning how to reduce stress, adding physical activity to your daily life, having healthy relationships with not only everyone around you, but yourself. Learning how to identify anxiety and finding ways to control it, dealing with depression, loss, sickness, sleep deprivation, having faith. All of this is important. Daily. Just as much as breathing. These things are important. I didn’t know.

Before my daughter was born, I dug deep into health, researched food, exercise, breastfeeding, got off sugar, became more active and none of this information comes easy. I researched for hours a day, obsessed over it! You learn something is healthy one day, and the next read the scientific reasons on why the same thing isn’t healthy for you. I became so confused and overwhelmed in all my research, and after much thought I decided to go back to school. I wanted to learn everything I could, and I wanted to help others understand what I still wasn’t understanding. Because I think it’s important! I think so many people are uneducated on what is healthy for them.

Fast food is eaten every single day because it is convenient, but some people have no clue how unhealthy it is for them. I wanted to be the one who educated them, helped them understand, and I very much was actively doing this with my friends and family already through this time, which I know was quite annoying to them, (sorry guys). So, when my daughter was 2.5 years old, I decided to go to school online for my bachelor’s degree in health and wellness, while I continued to run my business and raise my child. It was far from easy, but it was worth it.

Fast forward a few years, I recently graduated with my Bachelor of Science Degree in Health and Wellness (eeekk!), and the job search has been, let’s just say intense! Of course, I didn’t expect it to be easy, but I also didn’t expect that I would need to jump through so many hoops. You get a degree in a certain area, and you expect to get a job in the same area. What no one tells you is that, getting a job in a specific area whether you have a degree or not is difficult. It takes patience, it takes actively applying, not giving up, wanting what you wanted in the beginning where it all started and stemmed from. Having the motivation, continuing to conquer, learning how to balance the anxiety and depression through the many jobs you get turned down from, being interview ready, and still being as positive as you were when you began.

None of this is easy. But you know what? It is so worth it. It not only makes you believe you can conquer anything, but it also helps you gain confidence. Having to continuously practice how to feel, what you think people want to see, learning a little more about your self daily, its so importantly and totally worth it. And in the end, you will get what you are searching for.

I’m not saying you need to put a fake face on (fake it until you make it?), but you can’t necessarily go into an interview not excited for what could come if you got that job. I have been so excited through this whole journey to have been let down so many different times, but you know what? I didn’t let it take everything away from me. There were a few times I didn’t want to continue, but I knew I had no choice. The one thing that was a constant in my life was my daughter, she pushed me to continue, and she always will. This child at 6-year-old has brought me through so many different hurtles, ones I didn’t think I was going to get through, but I did because of her love for me, and mine for her.

So, at the end of all this chatter. If you are trying. You are where you need to be. None of this is written out in red ink, none of it is explained, there’s no book that tells you what you should be doing. If you find something that motivates you, continue to keep it in your daily life. Continue to push forward through what ever means necessary, even if not everyone believes in you. In fact, that always gave me the extra motivation; to prove them wrong! So, thank you to my beautiful daughter and all of my wonderful haters. You have all given me a better life, and I am so thankful to you.

~Keep Going~

Becca